Being Unemployed Made Me Better

As I write this, the Marta whooshes by my bedroom, so close that if I leaned over my balcony, I’m sure that I could touch it. Cars slosh through the rain, the sound echoing loudly against my window, and the steady rumble of cargo containers being stacked on top of one another in the adjacent train yard have become a soundtrack of sorts, playing a harsh melody outside my window all hours into the night. A year ago, I would’ve complained.

I would’ve found a way to move out abruptly in hopes of finding a bit more peace and quiet—I would’ve desperately sought comfort. But today, I’m just thankful to be able to afford a place of my own to live. Today, I’m reminded just how blessed I am to be able to say that.

But you didn’t come here to hear about my apartment. You came here to hear my rags to riches story, though I’d say the riches are in the knowledge that I’ve gained, not in the paycheck that I’ve acquired. Perhaps, like me, you were once unemployed and desperately seeking respite from your daily struggle, and have lived to tell the tale. Maybe you just started on that journey, maybe you’re still on it, and there’s a deep feeling of loneliness as you fight through your situation quietly in hopes that nobody knows just how real life has gotten for you. To you, I say, there would be no testimony if there wasn’t a test.

“The riches are in the knowledge that I’ve gained, not in the paycheck that I’ve acquired.”

And while our level of struggle and sacrifice may differ, the commonality is that it’s a mental, emotional and spiritual battle that will challenge every part of your being. But if you get your mind right, it will transform you in a way that you would never imagine.

WHY I LEFT LA

I’ve previously talked about my move to Los Angeles, so I’ll hit the fast forward button and press pause at where I was just five months ago—curled up on my bed in a rented room in Granada Hills. I shared a house with six other men and women, majority of which were 20 – 30 years my senior. At $600, it was the cheapest thing I could find.

Ironically, December 2017 was the month that I made the most money since my move to LA, but only because I picked up as many catering shifts as possible. I traded in Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve with my family just to earn double my normal pay rate. The reality of the situation hit me hard when I realized that I wasn’t serving wealthy people because I wanted the extra money, I was doing it because although that month was a feast, I knew famine was just around the corner.

Despite having multiple clients ranging from corporate contracts to individual projects, my freelance gigs were unreliable—I often went weeks without being paid on time, which resulted in deep anxiety whenever another bill notification hit my inbox. I was juggling five catering companies, freelance gigs, dog sitting and background acting in hopes that if one failed the other would cover me. Meanwhile I was applying for full-time jobs, but as far as I know my resume never made it past the inbox and into a recruiter’s hands.

This situation had gone on for months, and I did my best to keep my head up and a smile on my face—not because I was being fake, but because I knew that there were people in worst situations; I didn’t feel I even had a right to complain. I couldn’t blame my situation on anybody but myself, poor decisions that I’d made, and the miscalculated risks that I decided to take. But that day I had finally reached a point where I was tired of being strong. I finally stopped fighting back the tears and allowed myself to cry.

In all honesty it wasn’t the circumstances that was the final blow, it was the realization that I wasn’t even doing work that I was passionate about. My dreams had been pushed aside while trying to survive, and with the exception of one or two projects, I was taking on work just to earn a paycheck. The death of a dream is worse than the struggle to achieve it. I constantly ran into and worked with people who moved to the city with a dream in their heart and light in their eyes just for it to become extinguished once they stepped on the hamster wheel. LA was La La Land. Despite what Instagram showed, people were surviving, not living, and I could see myself slowly following in their footsteps as I gasped for air in attempt to stay afloat.

“The death of a dream is worse than the struggle to achieve it.”

I knew I wasn’t going to drown, but I also didn’t see sense in swimming against the current when there was a better path to take. After speaking with a couple of friends I knew what I had to do. But it required me to swallow my pride, to be willing to look as if I’d given up, pack my bags and return back to the east coast to get my shit together. With little hesitation, I sold everything that didn’t fit in my car to help cover my relocation costs, and journeyed back home.

BACK TO ATLANTA

I hit the road in January. Before I left I had a plan to move to Atlanta and hit the ground running with my job search. However, my housing situation fell through a week prior when someone backed out on renting me a room. I arrived in Atlanta just a couple hours into my birthday, but I wasn’t there to stay. I didn't have the money to lease an apartment, and this time I refused to move without a job, so instead I drove to North Carolina to live with my grandparents in Hertford—a small town outside of Elizabeth City.

I arrived with just a couple hundred dollars to my name. I was still freelancing, but payments weren't coming in on time. Bills were getting paid late, and late fees were being tacked on. I wasn't paying rent, but I was (and still am) five-figures in debt, just to pay the bare minimum I needed at least a rack coming in every month, but with the exception of the clothes I was selling on Poshmark, I was bringing in zero.

I had already been applying for jobs since December, but I kept getting rejection emails. I shrugged it off because I've had to hustle before. I was used to putting in a ton of applications before getting a positive response. What I wasn’t used to was not getting any positive responses. For two months, to be exact.

I continued to apply for jobs. Any job. I signed up for temp agencies. I put in applications at Planet Fitness, Applebees, wherever. Minimum wage in North Carolina is only $7.25, certainly not enough to cover bills even working full-time, but I was desperate. Yet nobody was hiring, and because I wasn’t in Atlanta it was hard for me to even be considered for jobs with temp agencies. I kept getting rejection emails, despite my resume being pretty stacked. If there was any little bit of ego left in me, it died every time I pressed the send button.

By this point I was stressed as hell. I wasn’t sleeping well, partly due to waking up in the middle of the night with large, unexplainable bites covering my body. Even at home I wasn’t comfortable. I was trying to keep my head up, but it was a struggle, and there were days when I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I would watch everybody live their best life on the 'gram, and eventually decided to remove social media off my phone so that I could focus on my own life and not on people's false realities.

One day, after deep reflection, instead of moping about I went into prayer, praise and worship. I chose to find positivity in my situation and thanked God for things not being worse. I let Him know that I trusted Him, and that despite the circumstances I knew he’d never leave me nor forsake me. I needed to depend on Him and not on the world.

I put work behind my faith and revamped my resume and cover letter three times until they were fleeky. I only applied for jobs in Atlanta that I really wanted—I didn't want to repeat the past by taking jobs just for a paycheck only to end up in a toxic work environment. My situation hadn't changed, but my mindset did. I no longer questioned my worth with every rejection, for my value didn’t lie in my degree or my experiences. The no’s weren’t daggers of defeat, but confirmation that there was a greater victory on the other side of my persistence.

By the end of February I received an email that I'd been selected for an interview with my current employer. Ironically, I had applied for a different position with them back in December and got rejected. So this was definitely starting to feel like a God thing. I interviewed, got moved to the next round, but it took three more weeks before I would get the final in-person interview. I drove eight hours to Atlanta on a Friday and came back to North Carolina the next day with nothing more than a prayer on my lips—not that I would simply get the job, but that I only got it if it aligned with my purpose and His plan for me.

I did have one other job offer waiting back home—Applebees. I was scheduled to start training as a server the following week, but they were patient as I had already told them I was in final rounds for a job. I had reached a place where I was thankful that I just had potential income. If I didn't get my current job, I would've been at peace knowing that God knew what was best for me.

On March 13 I got the call saying that I not only got the job, but they were offering me way more than I expected to make, plus fully covered benefits. As someone who went without benefits on and off for over two years, I was scared to even sneeze in fear I'd have to pay hundreds of dollars to see a doctor. Now I would no longer have to stress about affording one.

I said I would never go back to a 9 to 5, but I’m beyond blessed to be employed at a company that not only aligns with my goals, but values work-life balance. I can now work on the writing I really want to do without stressing over my next paycheck, and when it’s time for me to go, this time I will be prepared for the move.

I'm still in recovery mode—I have a lot of debt to clean up—but the experience showed me who I really was and molded me into who I needed to be. I’ve been broken and sifted, many negative thought patterns and mindsets were left behind, and what remains are the very characteristics necessary to move on to the next leg of my journey.

The experience showed me who I really was and molded me into who I needed to be.

As I’ve said, the riches of my testimony aren’t in my paycheck, but in who I became when I didn’t have one. There were many things that I took for granted, and when those things were taken from me, there were many nights I cried out because I no longer had it. Now I find gratitude in the grittiness of it all.

The dream doesn’t have to die; but sometimes it needs to be re-strategized. It’s attainable, but it’s also a test of how bad you really want it. What are you willing to give up now in order to have better later? What habits and mindsets do you need to break before you can truly walk in your purpose? For me, it was a lot of shedding of things that I never recognized as being a privilege to have, and accepting that at the end of the day, I made a choice so there was no room for excuses or complaints.

This walk isn’t for the faint of heart, but in the end, it will leave your heart full. Keep your head up, your mind right, your lips positive, and your pride absent.

You're Not Ready to Be Your Own Boss

I typed up my resignation letter for what would be the third time in the last five years. I was a mix of emotions—on one hand, I felt a little crazy for once again leaving the secure for the unknown. It was different than before when I lived in a city where the cost of living was low, and this time I didn’t have the option to just break my lease and move back home. No, quitting a job in L.A. was a little different, a little more risqué.

I was barely covering my bills as is, and yet I was leaving a steady paycheck behind to go back to the work that had me desperately scratching at the door of temp agencies just months before.

But on the other hand, I felt abnormally calm. I had a plan, but not a solid one. I had what I would hope would be a source of income before next month’s rent was due, but no guarantee that I would get paid on time. I had debt piling up and no savings, but the decision to leave my 9 to 5 and pursue my purpose and utilize my gift of writing became a daily battle. I knew what I had to do, and despite the circumstances, I was at peace—I knew I’d be okay.

“God got me,” I said repeatedly during my 45-minute commute to work.

The truth is that I needed to go back to a full-time job because I wasn’t ready for what it would take to be my own boss. I’m amused at the many who want to up and quit their jobs just because they don’t like working for another. That reason alone shows that you’re not ready.

It’s easy to get caught up in the fallacy of working for yourself. It looks something like waking up late, no alarm clock, no snooze button.

It’s ice cream for breakfast as you prance around in your pajamas all day.

It’s daytime trips to the beach or to the park, or maybe even working from a whole new city altogether, if you so desire.

Your schedule is your own; your life is your own. But what they don’t tell you is that life comes at a price. Freedom is never quite free, and once you realize that, then perhaps you’re ready for the plunge, or perhaps you’ll appreciate the steady nine-to-five just a little bit more.

Where I went wrong wasn’t my inability to produce, pitch and get paid. I failed in my perspective before I failed in securing the bag. I relied on one source of income, despite its volatility, because I fought against the idea of being a “journalist.” I undervalued myself, taking on additional assignments that didn’t pay my worth because when you’re desperate you take whatever you can get. I managed my time poorly, I spent more time stressing and worrying about the next payment than I did ensuring that I was doing the work to get paid. I spent money unnecessarily, went out without reason, and then cried out to God in frustration that He wasn’t providing what I needed to give me the peace of mind. Backwards as fuck.

I went to a temp agency thinking I was only going to get something to hold me to the next month, and landed a one-year contract. Over the next few months I took the time to slow down, evaluate, and rid myself of false perceptions about what my life was supposed to be. I wasn’t in a position to save up money, so instead I spent my time on reprogramming my mind so that when I took the leap again, it would be without doubt or questions.

I get the idea of wanting to escape the cubicle to build a life that you love. I understand not wanting to settle or feel like you’re living a life of mediocrity, but I also know that true success first starts in the mind. I know that everything that glitters ain’t gold, and if you don’t have your mind right, you’ll be chasing iron pyrite instead.

Timing is everything, and there’s often a reason why we’re not where we want to be. Maybe it’s fear of now knowing the outcome if you take a leap. Maybe it’s circumstances that make it difficult to move without impacting the life of another. Or maybe you’re just not ready, as I once was, and you need the kind of wake-up call that will shift your perspective and change your attitude.

How I Stopped Talking About My Goals and Started Accomplishing Them

It starts off the same every new year.

Resolutions are made and then resolutions fade as the months quickly give way to the next year when the cycle repeats. On many occasions I have gotten caught in the pattern of promising myself that this year would be different: I would get the body that I wanted; I would make the money that I desired; I would travel to places that I pinned to my Pinterest board, only to look back in December and realize that many of my goals fell by the wayside as life took over and reminded me that change is inevitable and flexibility is necessary.

But this past year I decided to stop making empty promises to myself and started creating actionable plans in all areas of my life from career to love and relationships to actually see my dreams and desires come to fruition. I moved across country to Los Angeles with just a few dollars in my pocket and a vision for my life. I shed the few pounds that I gained on the journey over. I started checking off goals and ideas that I posted on my vision board two years prior, and I started getting my confidence back as I discovered my own strength and power as a woman who can speak things into existence.

It’s not only changed how I perceive life, but my perception of myself and what I’m able to accomplish when I’m focused and committed to me. And in 2017 I look to take that to another level.

Here are 5 things that helped me to back up the things that I constantly talked about and that made me a winner in 2016.

1. I Wrote Down My Vision and Actionable Steps To Make It A Reality

There’s nothing wrong with having a grand vision for your life. In fact, if your vision is something that you can easily accomplish on your own, it’s not big enough. But one thing that I realized that I did years prior was write down lofty dreams without a real plan of how to make it really happen. I love a vision board as much as the next person, but as pretty as pictures are they don’t show you all the pieces that require assembly in order to get to that ultimate image. So this past year I switched it up and instead of pasting photos to a board I penned my vision on paper—and then penned all the steps leading up to the end goal.

I purchased a Passion Planner, which was perfect because as a writer my life revolves around deadlines and the planner kept me on point. But what I loved most about it was that at the beginning it asked you to write down a wish list of the different goals you had for yourself three months out, a year out, and three years out. You would define what your game changer was—the goal that had the most positive impact on your life at the moment. That goal would go in the middle of the page and surrounding the goal would be things you would do to make it happen. At the end of the month you would assess your progress and write down ways to improve the next month. It was like an accountability partner on paper, and it helped me to get close to my goals of being debt-free, moving to L.A., and creating multiple streams of income using my natural gifts and talents.

While you don’t necessarily have to have a planner to make this happen, the key is to write down smaller, realistic steps that help you to reach your end goal. That way it doesn’t feel overwhelming or unobtainable, and keeps you in check every step of the way.

2. I Stopped Watching Other People Live Their Lives

I’m guilty of aimlessly scrolling through Instagram and double-tapping pictures of people who are living their lives to the fullest. On one hand it’s motivating to see my peers accomplishing their dreams, but as much as I love celebrating their successes, it can sometimes distract me from focusing on my own goals. Those minutes turn into hours that could’ve been spent more wisely, and looking to them for motivation prevented me from diving within myself and tapping into the genius that lies within.

I decided to start making a change by fasting from social media for two weeks and deleted all apps from my phone because temptation is real. It honestly was the most productive—and peaceful—weeks that I’d had in months. Afterward, instead of pretending that I was going to stay off of social media all day everyday, I put boundaries around it. I set certain times of the day where I could go on and browse and catch up with people. I reserved the hours that I’m most productive for zoning in on my goals. I even put myself on a schedule. It sounds simple but it does wonders for helping to accomplish those dreams that we often speak about but have little to show for.

3. I Didn’t Turn A Temporary Setback Into Defeat

Okay, so I may have overslept one day. I had to push back a launch because my photographer rescheduled on me. Or to keep it real, I just didn’t “feel like it” and I chose to kick back and watch an episode of Queen Sugar instead of working on my own bestselling novel. Life happens, and so does procrastination. But missing a personal deadline isn’t the end all be all—it’s an opportunity to embrace what is, and adjust to make happen what you want to be. If I got caught up on every perceived failure then I’d live in a constant state of self-pity and never get anything accomplished. There are always going to be hurdles on the road to success. How you handle it not only speaks volumes about your character, but also about how badly you want it. Besides, it’s a marathon, not a race. The goal is to keep moving forward.

4. I Celebrated My Progress Along the Way

I admit that I haven’t always been too good at this. You know, patting myself on the back for that small goal that I can now check off my list. I’m always looking forward to the next thing; I don’t dwell too much on the past. But sometimes you need to pause for a second to celebrate how far you’ve come to appreciate where you’re going. It’s easy to get into the habit of complaining or worrying, but when you stop to see what has been accomplished it shifts your perspective and gives you a different drive and a new energy.

I used to do a blessings jar and throughout the course of the year I would write down good things that happened on slips of paper and close to New Year’s Eve I would pull them out one by one and reflect on the wide range of wins. Now I have a space in my planner for weekly reflections that I fill in every week. It’s made me realize that the small wins are just as significant as the big ones, even if they’re not things that seem worthy of bragging about on social media. It helps you not to rely on the praise and approval of others because you learn how to be your own cheerleader in life. You learn to find positivity in everything, and that even setbacks aren’t without a greater purpose.

5. I Made New Goals

So you made an actionable plan, put social media pause, stopped crying over spilled milk and found a reason to celebrate your baby steps. Now you’re checking things off your list left and right because you have a new attitude and your changed mindset is bringing good energy into your life. Now what?

You keep going. You make new goals. You reached 5,000 followers for your brand? Cool, now it’s time to reach 10,000. You built six months worth of savings in your bank account? Fabulous. Now start saving for the down payment on that dream home. You stopped looking for love in hopeless places and started loving you—all of you? It’s about time. Now let that good energy attract the right partner who you can continue to build and grow with. The point is not to always dream bigger, always strive for more. The top of the mountain is just an illusion to the heights that you can climb—the sky is the limit.

What steps are you taking to make your New Year’s resolution a New Year’s reality?